The Annual Christmas Blog Post

The what, you ask? The annual… what?

I understand your confusion. The blogosphere isn’t what it once was. That vast, chaotic wilderness of wildly swirling anarchy that made the most lawless Wild West towns look like nursing home tea parties has faded to a mild and corporatist kitten of its former self, so there’s really no place for the average internetizen to experience this former staple of the basement keyboard warrior.

So I’ll explain. The Annual Christmas Blog Post is, at its core, a blog post. This blog post was written and posted once per year, and it in some way recognizes, describes, uplifts, and/or celebrates the Christmas season or Christmas Day itself.

Ideally, this post should be written pre-Christmas and posted just before or, if possible, on December 25 each year. This can be problematic: families frequently frown on Christmas Day blogging. Luckily, most blog platforms allow for scheduled posts.*

How does one write a Christmas Day Blog Post? Glad you asked.

First, choose your subgenre. Examples:

• Humor: avoid Chevy Chase references, if possible.  He's not funny.
• Nostalgic: childhood memories, or memories of young children are great.
• Sappy: for those of you who cut your own Christmas trees.
• Traditional: kind of like nostalgic, but with less nostalgia.
• Christian: nice to recognize Jesus now and then.
• Cynical: it’s a pagan holiday! It’s capitalist propaganda!

There are others, of course, and of course many of these intersect in the Great Venn Diagram of Blogging.  

Next, the basic construction. While there is no end to the combinations  and structures a writer might use, I find this to be the most effective:

• Part one: a short anecdote, usually from the Traditional subgenre with a hint of Humor. 

One could simply start the post with something basic like “It’s Christmas!”, but one should keep in mind that the reader already knows it's Christmas, and isn’t reading your blog to find out what day it is.

• Part two: a short explanation of what the anecdote means today.
• Part three: expansion on the above.

This is where you include humorous references to shopping, weather, decorating, overeating, kids (young, teenaged, home for the holiday), in-laws, etc.

Please note that humor, in this context, will work even if you are writing a serious and/or cynical post.  Lance's Xth Rule of Blogging**: if you don't make them smile, they'll never read to the end. 

• Part four: a more recent but related anecdote.

Ideally, with a strong implication of roots in either the earlier anecdote or the main subgenre of your post.

• Part five: the conclusion. 

This will usually at least touch on the sappy subgenre, unless you’ve gone heavy on the cynical subgenre.

And there you have it: the Annual Christmas Blog Post.

Side note: I realize that I'm demanding what seems like an awful lot of anecdotes.  Worry not, it's not that hard.  Christmas traditions are traditions, which means they happen every year, and they already have something in common: Christmas.  It practically writes itself.

Now: I know what you’re thinking. You’re wondering why I don’t just write an Annual Christmas Blog Post, to give you a real example of what I’m talking about.   

My answer: Christmas was two days ago.  It's too late.  Check in again next year.

Maybe.

Next week: the Annual New Year’s Blog Post. 

*At least, the two blogging platforms I've used do this.

** Lance's Rules of Blogging is an ongoing, meta-evolving, pan-amorphous project that has not yet been fully compiled.  Since it hasn't been compiled, a priority system has not been set.  Since a priority system has not been set, Lance's Rules of Blogging cannot yet be numbered.  We do not regret any confusion.